Please enjoy another Saturday post from my beautiful wife, Amy Fitzwater, and her “Tidbits of Pondering.”
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As I stand at the edge of great adventure and a deeper faith beckons me
I step forward, and then backward, filled with trepidation yet expectancy
For I know He is good, I know He is loving, and wants the best for me
Yet what will my task cost, how heavy the cross, will it involve loss?
But then I realize how much more the cost of the absence of a cross,
The adventure lost to constant calm and steady sea,
When although the waves may tumble and billow at times,
I’d see Him more clearly walking on the water beside me.
“Rest in me, fret not I say, feed on My faithfulness,
And I will take you where you have not dared to imagine
Fulfilling dreams that you have lost in doubt and busyness.”
Casting off fear and embracing the unknown, surrendering self to be free
For to know Him more deeply, to realize the hope He has planned for me
To embrace the adventure of loving Him lavishly,
Will be worth all cost, the weight of the cross, and paths followed blindly.
For I am the clay, He is the potter, and the purpose of this vessel only He can fully see and know-
And my greatest fear is refraining from using all He has given me,
To live a life mundane, safe, and at the bow
Of my own ship, sailing my own course, missing opportunities to fully know
The hope he has called me to, the power available, the full purpose of His design.
Oh, to know Him more deeply, to see Him more clearly, to live life so fully
That I stand on the other side, amazed where He has taken me,
seeing His careful plan
And realizing how close I was, how easy it would have been, to step away from the plate, and pursue a life of security
And miss out on the wonder, the joy and the splendor of His perfect plan for me.
So as I stand here on the edge of even greater adventure and deeper faith beckoning me
I close my eyes, reach out my hand, and say, ‘so, where are You taking me?’

OR- ‘so, what’s our next step to be?’

Oftentimes I wonder…there are many different people who live very quiet lives of faith all of their life…and then there are men like William Wilberforce who gave his life to his faith, taking leaps of faith that involved great sacrifice and hardship but accomplishing things he only dared dream possible.

I mention him because his story fascinates me and resonates in some ways.  He loved the simple things, and seemed to want to bask in them in many ways, bask in His Father. Yet, there was a life of passion and responsibility that drove him.

I feel a weight of responsibility to fulfill some things that have been placed before me, but often I just want to be in nature, soak up the simplicity of His wonder, take pictures, and write….leaving the work and toil of some of the other things behind.  But I don’t want to miss out on purpose and adventure that He may be beckoning me towards.  My greatest fear is to get to the end of my life and realize I took the easy way out, and didn’t use all He has given me, and missed out on some adventure due to unbelief and unwillingness to grip His hand and embrace the unknown…whatever that means.

2/12/2010 – Tidbits of Pondering by Amy Fitzwater

There’s restlessness that comes from sin, when you’re simply not where you are supposed to be due to disobedience.  Then there’s a restlessness that comes from discontentment, when you are focusing on what you don’t have rather than what you do, choosing not to be content in the state you are in.  This too can lead to sin.

Sometimes our restlessness is God drawing us to the hope He has called us to here while on earth—and we need to move from where we are and follow Him there.  Thus, often I have felt guilty and self-depracating when I have a restless spirit.  But there are moments, time when a restlessness comes on me that is inexplicable, a yearning for something that I can’t quite put my figure on.  After experiencing these moments and phases at different times, even in times where I feel I’m in the right place, right where God desires for me to be, I’ve enjoyed contentment, seeing it’s purpose …

I’ve pondered that maybe there’s a deeper, higher reason.  We are not home here.  When I long for adventure, freedom, wide open spaces, an open road…ultimately, I’m longing for my eternal home where there is adventure, freedom, perfection…defined I think this is why Montana, traveling, taking road trips, seeing and experiencing beauty, resonate so deeply with me.  So now, as the restlessness comes upon me, after a search of the heart and realizing there’s no obstruction there causing it, I look up and realize the ultimate ADVENTURE is still waiting.  My eternal home, final destination, is being prepared, and I will be complete.

… As I stood on the mountain top in Montana, surrounded by sky and mountain peaks full of color along with sharp and fluid lines that my eyes work hard to take in, the wind blowing my hair, the air crisp and clear, the beauty almost tangible as it flows around and through me—I throw my head back and breath deeply—and I smell it.  Freedom.  Beauty.  Meaning.  Ah, and this is just a glimpse, a taste, of what is to come.  That, dear friend, is what we long for, what we were created for.  After all, we began in Eden.

By: Amy Fitzwater

Sometimes I think faith is not necessarily knowing something for certain, but believing that one day certainty will come.  Faith looks different at different times of our lives.  Sometimes it means seeing the way you are to go clearly before you, feeling afraid or doubtful, but taking the leap anyway because you know the One Who has your back.  Sometimes it means being on a road where the destination seems fuzzy at best and pointless at worst and seeing darkness and questions surround … yet clinging to the belief that God has led you there, and after much seeking of Him, He just wants you to wait.

For after all, He knows so much better than we do.  He loves us too much to always give us what we want and to work according to our “logic.”  And the truth of the matter is, “In every winter’s heart there is a quivering spring, and behind the veil of each night there is a smiling dawn”(Kahlil Gibran).  It doesn’t last, He is faithful and the journey worth it, and those times of darkness come to have more light the more distance you have from them, and you look back and say “Ah.”  You, O Father, are so faithful, so good.

There are moments that time is frozen and I get a glimpse of the connection between past and present, a perspective that drags me above the seemingly routine of daily life … when I think, “Wow, I realize that I’ve always wanted this, and I’m experiencing it.”  Kind of shocking how we can lose the wonder of the coming together of a life in what we think is mundane.  I had a moment like this today when walking down the steps of the elementary school where I work, as one particular little boy with Down’s made my day today…what a precious little life…he was so cuddly, thought himself quite hilarious even though out of control, giving me kisses (very determined for the lips NOT the cheek), and smiling a smile that can light up the world.

It’s moments like these, even when I’m tired of chasing after him and get tired of routine, that make it worth it and I realize what a blessing it is and how perfectly God placed me in this job, in this place, at this time of my life.  It’s so easy to lose sight of this as we move from one thing to the next without thought.

By:  Amy Fitzwater

How awesome and intelligent is my wife?  (From Travis)

“To really enjoy life—to break in the comfortable chair and relish it, to take the plastic off the lampshades, to brew the new coffee, to eat the exotic chocolate….this is to live life…not to save it for later, but to taste it now.”

-Amy Fitzwater

Life isn’t to be planned out, it’s to be LIVED out. The only thing we can have any control over is how much we enjoy and make the most of in our life right NOW. Not when the degree is done, the next phase entered, the thing we want so badly ours – this is how time is wasted. We must work toward the things our hearts desire, but still hold on to the beauty of now. BE in the now. Utilize the present.

I’ve come to realize this truth…come to know it in my spirit after a matter of weeks of going back and forth, trying to decide about whether to continue my degree, or to follow after my dreams of writing, doing something with my photography, learning to make pottery, etc, etc…and as I’ve wondered why I haven’t received that CLEAR undeniable answer from God…within my spirit, I think He’s whispering something that seems to be a redundant theme He speaks into my life…BE.

If we continue to look at the next phase, we will never enjoy the phase we are in and we will live a life constantly looking forward or backward, rather than around us.  This is such a waste of time and it’s so easy to miss something great when we aren’t looking.

I don’t know God’s specific plan for me, but I do know that I’m here now, in the middle of a masters degree in counseling, all the while feeling the tug of my heart to write…to create…to be ALIVE.  So maybe it’s the small little steps, the moments like this one when I stop in my schedule and write what is bubbling in my heart.  Maybe it’s the day, evening, or a few hours here and there that I start working on organizing some of my photography to take to be ready to have a booth at festivals.  Maybe it’s taking that pottery class amidst everything else.

We try too hard to control our lives, to plan them out, to decide when the best timing is for everything.  Funny thing is, we have no earthly idea when the best timing is for anything, not really.  We can only live close to our God, realizing that what He wants more than anything is for us to know Him, and as we do this, following the desires of a heart given over to Him, all these other things shall be added unto us.  It’s beautiful.  This is what I’ve come to, the conclusion I’ve made.  Nothing tangible or concrete really, just this.  But I believe it’s powerful.

Amy Fitzwater
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Thanks to my beautiful wife for this wonderful post.  Tune in on Saturdays from now on to hear my wife’s inspirational comments, “Tidbits of Pondering”.  She’s an aspiring writer and a wonderfully creative one at that.  Enjoy!

God bless,

Travis